Do you like food? I do. I like to eat food when I’m hungry, of course. I like to eat food when I’m bored. I like to eat food when I’m having a bad day. This didn’t turn out well for me.
I blame my metabolism.
I kind of shut down. I had put up these walls. I had subconsciously decided that it was just easier to go through life without feeling much. This meant that when I put on the first 50 pounds (yes, I said the first 50), I didn’t really care. By the time the second 50 came on, I knew I had a problem. I just didn’t know it would be so hard to take the weight off.
Through those dark years I went searching for
something anything that would make me feel better, even if it was just for a few seconds. I didn’t think about the consequences of anything I was doing. If I wanted another piece of cake, I would have another piece of cake. It was just a heckuva lot easier to go through a drive-through than it was to fix something at home. I had cabinets full of food, but usually chose the easier route.
I sold out.
I took what I can only assume Robert Frost would call the road well paved. I traveled right along with the rest of the world.
If it feels good, do it.
And it’s now, 10 years later, that I’m still dealing with these issues.
I mean, weight had always been a little bit of an issue with me. I would put on some pounds in the off-season, but when school sports started back up, I’d lose them again. Even now, I have no problem doing the work, the physical aspect of it, that it takes to take the pounds off. What I have a problem with is the mental aspect of it.
Do I really believe that I’m worth putting this kind of effort into? It’s so hard. I used to believe that I had worth. I do now, but it’s still a little shaky because I didn’t believe for so long.
The thing about sin is that there’s always consequences. When we live a life just trying to feel good by making bad decisions, those consequences are always going to be around. Had I known that 10 years later I’d be trying to get in shape to run 5k’s while 120 pounds overweight, would I have taken that extra piece of cake?
But I ate it. And here I am. So right here is what I need to deal with and where I need to start. I tackled all of the credit card debt the same way.
A little bit at a time.
I know you’re probably a little tired hearing about all the running. I get it. I wanted to write this post so maybe you who don’t know me will understand what a big deal this is to me. Not only is it a step in the right direction for my health and the rest of my life, but it’s the second chance I’ve been waiting for for 10 years.
I’m just so thankful that God never quits giving second chances.
If you had a chance to do something different, would you? What would it be?
Read more of my story here.