Well…Are You?

10

Here’s the thing.  I want to be a runner.  Like I don’t actually enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn to get out and run.  During the process I’m uncomfortable.  My feet hurt.  My legs hurt.  I can’t breathe normally.  Sometimes my back starts to hurt.  After I’m done?  I love it.  I feel like I can take on the world.  There’s just one problem.

I don’t really fit in the running world anywhere.

Really.  Anywhere.

There are some really cute clothes I can buy.  But I can’t fit into them.

The really cool-looking shoes don’t work for my feet.

EVERYONE finishes faster than me.

And when I’m there running amid the walkers, I feel a little like I should just give up because there’s no way I will be like them.

I told my boss who was walking in the 5k that if she saw me ahead of her and she was going to catch up to me, just to slow down so I could at least finish before a few walkers.

She didn’t.

Insecurity.  It’s a funny thing.  I want other people to change so I can feel better about myself.  I want the other runners to go slower.  I want my friends to be less smart.  I want my friends to gain a little weight ’cause losing it is more of a battle than I’d imagined.  I want people to be less than they really are, just so I can feel good about myself.

It’s selfish.

And it’s not from God.

And it never will be.

We can justify it all we want, but if I ask others to change or bring others down so I’ll feel better about myself?  That’s just wrong.

I have a problem with people living in mediocrity because they’re too afraid to put themselves out there.  Why?  Because I’ve lived it for far too long.  You want to become a better runner?  Get out there and run…in a race.  Not just by yourself.  You want to be a better friend?  Get out there and be a friend…to people you don’t normally hang out with.  You want to live a better life?  Go outside of your comfort zone.  You’ll be amazed at all the people that will meet you there.

There’s no reason we should ever doubt our worth.  We are called beloved by the Creator.  Our hope, our love, our faith and our salvation is secure in Him.  He holds us when we’re lonely, and he loves us when we feel unloved.

“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in Him, for He shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders.” – Deuteronomy 33:12

He’s right there.  And we can rest between His shoulders.  Quit selling out to the idea that you’re not worth it, that you don’t fit in, that you can’t be a runner.

Someone told me on a comment I posted on a blog that the only difference between a person who jogs and a runner is a race bib and a T-shirt.  That’s the difference.  I ran the race.  I’m a runner, whether I finish at the top or with the walkers.  I put myself out there and set myself up for complete embarrassment, and even though I don’t really fit in with the runners, I can now call myself a runner.  And so thankfully, a child of God.

How have your insecurities affected the way you live your life?  What are you doing about it?

About the author

  • I struggle with insecurity all the time. In photography, I can always find someone who has the better shots, which makes me NOT a photographer. As a writer, there is always someone who writes better than I do, which makes me NOT a writer. I have somehow agreed that if someone is able to do more or be more in anything I am interested in, then I’m not qualified. Except being a mother. I can’t get away from the fact that I am a mom, no matter how good or bad that I am. So, I try my best. (pause) Maybe if I stopped cancelling myself out from all the other things, I might enjoy them more, and enjoy the people that are using their gifts so well. Alright. You’ve made me bump into a thorn bush in my heart that I didn’t know was there. Time to wrench out the roots.

    Thanks lady!

    • I sell myself short on a lot of things and don’t really give myself a chance to be good at something. I totally understand about not knowing it was there. It just creeps up on you until you finally realize, hey. Why do I not think I can do that? I have skills. I have the knowledge and equipment. It may not be perfect to start…or ever, but I will get better. But I’ve got to just start.

      So…keep taking pictures and writing and most of all, keep being the awesome mom you are!

  • I don’t feel woman enough. I don’t cook. I do like clothes, but don’t know how to dress in them. I am not a SAHM. I’m too smart, think too much. I’m too much of something and not enough of something else. Generally, I try not to feel much. I can try to build myself up and even pray about it some. I try to turn it over to God and I do for a day or two, but then someone asks a question like this and I feel like I’m back to day one. I’m starting by identifying what I feel and why. Hopefully, this will show some consistent improvement.

    • Andrea, you’re awesome. You are enough. Don’t forget that.

  • Susan

    Julie, I understand. I too am insecure.

    You are at ease with people. You look people in the eye and they see your acceptance of them. You smile and let them know that it is safe to enter your world. You are wonderful!

    • Thank you, Susan! You’re pretty wonderful yourself!

  • Michelle W

    Insecurity could be my second middle name. 😛

    Great post – thank you for the encouragement!

  • Amy_book

    What a great question. How am I letting my insecurities affect my life?? I’d like to say I’m not. But truth be told I hold back who I really know I am because I’m not always certain I’ll be accepted/understood/loved. Lately, though, I’ve been letting myself out of the box and loving the way Jesus meets the real me in real life. I don’t have it all together. I often do things that should be considered embarassing. I say some dumb stuff. But, I’m loved. And I’m enough. His love is in me so deep I can’t help but recognize it for what it is. Life giving, freedom bringing Love.
    It was for freedom Christ set us free. So, I’ve decided to live free. I think you’re living free yourself, my friend. So, run or dance or sing or write or whatever you want. Just keep doing it free.
    Love you.

    • Oh, Amy. You are free and enough and I see you living it more and more every day. Be you. And by being you, you’re being Him. Love you, too!!