On Fighting Your Demons

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It’s easy to call someone a sellout when we only see the effects of the cause.  Does that make sense?  I don’t understand why someone keeps doing the same thing over and over again, but I also don’t know what their struggles are trying to deal with or fight that issue.

Let’s face it.  We all have certain things we struggle with.  And as I said in this post, some of those struggles are out in the open in view and in judgment of everyone, and then there are those whose demons we’ll never see.

In talking with a friend about his anxiety he made the comment, and I’m paraphrasing, I wish it was something visual, something that everyone could just see and say, Hey.  Now I know why he’s doing that.  I get it now.

But when it comes to some of the “issues” we have (using the term vaguely),  the only way they can be seen is by the actions stemming from the problems that haven’t been dealt with.  I’ve seen some people with depression just not want to get out of bed.  We don’t see the mental aspect of alcoholism, but we see the stumbling and the fighting.  Violent anger, sometimes we don’t know the cause, but we see the effects.

There were days several years ago that getting out of bed didn’t seem like it was worth it.  When I would get up, I would do what absolutely had to be done, and then I would go back to bed.  On a good day, I would go see my family or my friends (which ultimately was the biggest part of healing for me) and visit with them.  I put on weight and went into debt.  And the hard part about it was that no one really understood.

Because I didn’t understand.

Some days I still don’t.

You know what I’ve been guilty of, though?  A lack of compassion.  I really suck at compassion.  I have a very low tolerance for stupidity, and yet like a dog returning to its vomit, I do the same things over and over again just like the people for whom I lack compassion.  And yet I expect it.

In fact, it seems like a lot of things in my life are at this double standard.  I expect compassion, but I don’t give it.  I expect grace and yet it’s hard for me to be graceful.  I expect unconditional love and yet my love is full of conditions.

My prayer is that I’m more gracious, more compassionate, more loving and all with fewer strings attached.  Because what I realize more and more is that people are struggling.  It doesn’t matter who they are.  They’re fighting with something.  They’re dealing with their issues, whether publicly or privately.  We’re all here just taking one step at a time.

Father, help me to be gracious and show me grace.  Help me to be compassionate and show me what compassion is.  And help me to love unconditionally as you love me.

About the author

  • Oh lady, I know what you’re saying. I’ve been praying that God literally turn me into a give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back kind of gal, and He has certainly been building it in me. Yet, despite the amazing things that have been happening, I find myself at the same old well of my own. All I can do is keep my eyes straight on him, and hope that he edges out the ungracious, ungenerous, uncompassionate me. 😀

    • Sounds like God is changing you big time. I know there are those days when we’re back to our old tricks, but you’re right. Keep your eyes on the Prize. It’s all a molding and pruning process. One day we’ll get there! Praying for you!!