I took a week off last week. I’ve been unmotivated. Blocked. Busy. Tired. Creativity in the form of writing, or any other form for that matter, have been at the back of any line of things for me to do lately. And that in itself is tiring. I didn’t go to the gym. I didn’t write. I essentially took all of my outlets or releases for any sort of stress away for a week and just sat in the ugliness and goodness of it all.
It wasn’t a bad week. It started out bad but had redeemed itself by the time the week ended. So far I haven’t noticed any grey hairs. Not that I’m looking. I don’t think I’ll be the person that starts looking for them anyway. I’ll see them when they show up, I guess. But I went to work, I came home, I cooked and I slept. That was my week. Just existing.
One of the days, and I’m not sure which one, I just got to the point on my drive that I just started talking to God. God, I trust you. No matter what the situation. I trust you. Whatever the outcome, You know best. It’s yours.
There’s a powerful thing that happens when you speak something out loud. You can write all the blog posts you want. But I think the moment you say something out loud is the moment that it really becomes real. When I started writing my blog to train for the half marathon last year, writing about it was fun. But it didn’t start to get real until I asked Bridget to help me train. I was committed.
I think I’ve got an issue with trust. Trusting God. Trusting people. I’m pretty self-sufficient. I grew up on a farm where you had to work for what you got. I went to college and worked my tail off. I’ve been essentially self-employed for most of my adult life. I’m not afraid of work. I’m not afraid of making things happen. What I am afraid of is what if God’s plans aren’t exactly what I was thinking. What if it doesn’t turn out the way I think it should? What if I get blindsided?
You guys know I love the story of Nehemiah. I was talking to a friend this week, and she encouraged me to reread over the book before I talk with her again. She said, I want to you look for the places in the story where faith meets ability. Look for the risks.
I think those are the places we’re going to find God. The places I know where my ability and God’s provision have to meet in order to make a dream a reality. Those risky places aren’t always the most fun places. They’re born a lot of times out of desperation and pain, but they’re there. And so is God.
So be ready for tales of Nehemiah for the next couple weeks. And in the blogging world, I think Julie may be getting her groove back.