So That You May Believe


'St. Lazarus Cemetery Chapel' photo (c) 2011, Klearchos Kapoutsis - license:’m reading through the book of John lately.  I think I’ve mentioned that before, but I still am.  I’m taking my time to read.  And then I’m taking my time to actually think about what I’m reading and trying to figure things out.

Here’s a list of all the things I’ve figured out so far:


That’s right.  Absolutely nothing.

And it’s actually a little bit comforting.  Jesus does a lot of miracles in the first chapters of John.  We’re on Chapter 12 where he’s entered into the city on a donkey, so we’re coming to the end of his time here on earth.   One thing I’ve noticed throughout all of it is that He prays out loud before these miracles a lot of times.  And it’s not just that He prays and gives thanks to His father, but he’s said a few times that he does this for the disciples’ benefit.

So that you may believe.

I’m starting to feel like the disciples didn’t really know what was going on.  There was this Jesus guy walking around performing miracles and teaching this gospel of radical grace and love.  And he came to them and said, “Follow me.”   I think they knew there was something about Jesus and his ministry that they wanted to be a part of, but I’m fairly certain they had no idea what it was.

What’s comforting is I don’t either.  I mean, these men were walking with Jesus, like physically walking with him, on a daily basis, and when he talked about being the Son of God, or the light of the world, they just didn’t understand.  Of course, I can look back over the whole story and be like, uh, duh, guys.  This is what he was talking about.  But other than that I’m just as clueless.

I think that’s how it starts, this learning to live like Jesus thing.  Man, I don’t know what is going on, but there is something more.

There has to be.

I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t feel like there was a greater purpose for my life and for the world.  As long as I’m breathing, I will still have hope that all this hurting and pain and goodness and love is for something more other than just right here and now.  Honestly, I was drawn to it because I had to be in church twice a week.  But what has kept me interested and seeking more, is that…well, just that there is more.  There’s something to it.

I’m just like the disciples.  Jesus has said, Follow me, so that’s what I’m trying to do.  It’s not perfect.  But it’s comforting that I’m not alone.  In fact, I’m in the company of people who walked with Jesus every day.  And his miracles are sometimes as much for the benefit of my belief as they are for the person He’s healing or helping.  When Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, before they even left to head there he told his disciples that he was glad he was not there when it happened so that they may believe.

It’s a little comforting, isn’t it?  


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